Chapter Text
Levi exhaled and his opponent went hazy as his breath billowed in the cold. He wasn’t sure if it was still the day he had woken up on or if the clock’s hands had passed into the early hours of the next day.
They both had their hands raised and wore the red marks of skin-to-skin contact on their bodies. Levi felt a drop of sweat slip down his spine, creating a snail trail that the mild winter weather would illuminate with her frigid breath.
“C’mon, fucker,” Levi muttered to himself.
The other guy lunged. Levi ate a punch to his ear, but got an uppercut in that unsteadied the other guy. All that was left to do was sweep the leg and hold him down. Levi had the guy in a choke before they hit the frozen grass of some asshole’s backyard. And of course, tough guy’s dick was too big to tap out, so he got some sleep via Levi’s biceps.
The onlookers hooted and pumped their fists. Levi was eight inches shorter and probably 30 pounds lighter than tough guy, now known as Mr. Sandman drooling on the frost covered ground.
Some asshole thought he was the ref, of which there was none in a backyard fight, and held Levi’s fist up. Levi swiped it away, but nobody really noticed his lack of excitement over winning. He collected his meager spoils and went to find his shirt and jacket. The other guys watching the fight were too busy snapping pictures of Mr. Sandman to notice a wiry, old bastard leaning over the fence, smirking.
Said wiry, old bastard let out a whistle so sharp, the pitbulls and rottweilers of the neighbouring houses two blocks away perked their ears. “Everybody scram. The pigs are on their way.”
And scram they did, except for Mr. Sandman, slowly thawing the ground with his half-naked body. And Levi. Levi stayed because he doubted very much so that Kenny had called the cops on him.
Levi picked his shirt off the paint-chipped picnic table and walked over to his uncle. “You followed me.”
Kenny straightened up. “Well, I was young and stupid once. That and I figured if I watched over you, I just might finally get my wings. With that last punch you ate, you must have heard bells ringing.”
Levi tugged his shirt on. “Fuck.”
He must be cut because there was blood on his shirt. Disgusting . Kenny pointed at his left brow and Levi tentatively felt above his eye. When he saw his own blood on his fingertips, his lip curled. He fought the urge to take his shirt back off and walk home half-naked. Mild disgust was marginally better than hypothermia.
“Your guard’s no good and your punches are shit. That’s why you’re bleeding.” Kenny said as they walked out of the yard and down the street. The Underground was quiet at 12:25 am on a winter’s very early morning. Some houses had strings of lights shining merrily, but most probably could barely afford to keep their furnaces running.
“Want to give me pointers on how to correct my shit performance?” Levi asked flatly.
“I’ve tried doing that, kiddo, but you just don’t seem to be much of a striker.” Kenny shoved his hands into his pockets.
“Maybe that Erwin guy’s finally got his dojo under way,” Levi muttered as he shrugged his jacket on.
Kenny let out a bark of laughter. “That hardass cop with the beefy eyebrows? I dunno, kiddo. You might be better sticking to backyard brawls to learn how real men fight.”
The sudden wail of a police siren wiped the smile off Kenny’s face. “Shit, run, Levi!”
“Did you actually call the cops on us?” Levi barked.
“Like fucking hell I did. I have some self-preservation skills.”
They both sprinted, but between Levi recently knuckling it out and Kenny being old and liking drink more than cardio, neither of them looked too graceful as they hopped a fence and landed face first on top of one another on the other side. Levi was livid . Kenny’s damn elbow had come crashing down on the back of his head, but that wasn’t what really pissed him off. Kenny had slammed Levi’s mouth into the ground. He could feel a strand of frozen grass between his front teeth.
The cop car pulled up along the chain link fence and parked with its lights still flashing. Levi stood up, his fists clenched defiantly. He was just made to eat dirt. This cop was about to open a fresh can of resisting arrest.
“Levi,” Kenny groaned, batting in his general direction.
The bulking figure of Erwin stepped out of the car. “I see my suspicions of you being involved in an illegal fight club less than three blocks from your house were correct.”
“Gods fucking gods.” Kenny groaned one last time for good measure before sitting up. “Of course it’s you.”
Erwin took out his flashlight and shone it on Levi’s snarling face. “Hello, Levi.”
“ Asshole ,” Levi seethed.
Erwin pointed at his mouth. “You have a piece of something in your teeth.”
Erwin was about to get a piece of something in his mouth.
Kenny got familiar with the cold ground and asked, “What the hell were you thinking running us down like that?”
“I am sorry for scaring you, but I didn’t want any of the other fighters around when I caught up with you guys.” Erwin rolled his great shoulders in a shrug. “It’s not very professional of me to chat while on duty, even less so if I don’t issue you any fines.”
“That so?” Kenny tipped his hat.
Erwin was about to explain what was so when the front door to the house behind them banged open and a middle-aged woman in a feathery housecoat came out. “Something the matter, officer? What are these boys doing on my lawn?”
“‘Boys’?” Kenny barked, suddenly finding the energy to spring to his feet. “Lady, I am a man.”
She eyed him up and down in a way that would take more Clorox than even Levi had stockpiled to scrub from his mind. “I can see that now, hun.”
Erwin cleared his throat, “Sorry to wake you, ma’am. I was just about to collect these two gentlemen from your property.”
She put a hand on her hip. “Why? What’s their crime?”
Erwin was quite clever, but he was also very honest. Erwin had already said he didn’t want an audience and hadn’t thought up a lie, which made his response time one second slower than Levi’s bursting rage.
“Public urination,” Levi said while simultaneously pointing at his uncle. “He was going to take a shit in your garden.”
“You little…” Kenny muttered
The lady, much to Levi’s surprise and disgust, merely shrugged. “I’ve had less attractive men do worse inside my house.”
“You don’t say,” Kenny said in a huskier voice than usual.
Before the conversation could get any more disturbing, Erwin said with finality, “I am sorry to disturb you, ma’am. Gentlemen, seeing as this is your first offence of this nature, I’ll escort you home.”
Levi narrowed his eyes. Ultimately, he spat the grass from his mouth, hopped the fence with determined grace, and quietly got into the back of Erwin’s cruiser. Kenny took his sweet time walking to the gate in the fence, exchanging lewd looks with the lady, before making a big show of just how far he had to bend to get his considerable height in the car. Erwin ignored the Ackermans’ bad behaviour and tipped his hat. “Sorry again, ma’am. And a merry Christmas to you.”
Erwin turned the lights on top of the car off as he pulled away and headed in the direction of Kenny’s house.
Kenny ground his knuckles into Levi’s ribs. “Shitting myself? Are you goddamn kidding me? I’ll remember that for when you get your first girlfriend.”
“Fuck you. There’s more important things than you banging some cougar on Christmas,” Levi spat.
“ Cougar? She looked barely over 30. Gods, teenagers have a distorted sense of age.” Kenny prodded Levi again, who launched his own counter attack, but Kenny seemed prepared for that. He easily snatched up Levi’s wrist, twisting it into a joint lock. “You sure as shit didn’t put anything for me under the Christmas tree. You could let me have one night of fun.”
“We don’t have a Christmas tree,” Levi bit out between his teeth as he tried to wriggle free. “If we did, the only thing on it would be your blue balls.”
“You little shit.”
“Could I say something?” Erwin asked, looking at them in his rearview mirror.
Levi wondered where he and his uncle rated on Erwin’s scale of weird things to happen in the backseat of his cruiser.
“Why the fuck not?” Kenny said, releasing Levi.
“I wanted to let you know that I’ve secured a place to open my dojo.” Erwin looked in the rearview mirror to get a glimpse of Levi’s foul face. “In another month, I’ll be able to officially open my doors. I wondered if you had given any further thought to what you want to do with your life.”
“I don’t have the money,” Levi said.
“You wouldn’t have to pay.”
“So I would be a charity case?”
Erwin glanced briefly in his rearview mirror before focusing on making a left turn. “I believe, in time, our relationship would be mutually beneficial. I’ve heard from officials at martial arts tournaments that you’re very talented.”
Levi snorted. “I haven’t done tournaments since I was a kid.”
“Then I can only imagine what you would be like now that you’re an adult.”
That caught Levi’s attention. He looked up as Erwin slowed the car to a stop in front of Kenny’s house. “Happy 18th birthday, Levi.”
***
At first, Eren wasn’t sure how to broach the subject. He had left it to the last minute out of fear of what each side would say. Eren loved his parents, but they had gone through some tough times recently, namely ones that involved Eren’s half-brother punching a fist between his parents and sending them all flying in directions that not even a pinball wizard could divine.
Levi’s roommate, Furlan, had let Eren into the house. After some pleasantries, Eren descended the stairs to Levi’s basement bedroom. He happened upon Levi doing push-ups. Eren would choose family each time, but if Levi said no, Eren’s heart would falter ever so slightly at the sight of his boyfriend’s naked torso.
Levi stopped exercising when Eren’s socked feet hit the concrete. He said, “Hey. You wanted to talk?”
Eren wanted many things. He wanted to graduate college. He wanted his car to run on a renewable fuel that wouldn’t slowly eat the planet alive. He wanted women to feel safe walking at night and people of all genders to be recognized and loved. He wanted to roll Levi over and mouth his way from nape to south-navel. He swallowed hard. “Yeah, it’s about the Christmas holidays.”
Levi grabbed a towel and wiped the sweat first from his forehead and neck. “Oh, okay.”
Eren opened his mouth and shut it again. “Wait. What did you think it would be about?”
Levi sat on his heels and tossed his head, mulling the question over. “I thought you were coming over to break up with me.”
Eren would have said no immediately, but his jaw had dropped clean off his face and lay with his stomach somewhere on the floor.
“Considering you look like you just shit yourself, I guess I was wrong,” Levi said, standing up. Eren stared at the ground. Levi, already nearly a head shorter than him, bent low to look him straight in the eyes. “‘Can we talk’ usually translates to ‘goodbye’ right?”
“No. Well, yes, it can mean we’re through, but no. Not this time. Not ever, I hope.” Leave it to Levi to find a way to make this harder.
“Glad we’re on the same page.” Levi pinched Eren’s nose and smiled, but it slipped off his lips when Eren continued to stare at the floor like the gods had written his fate on the cold concrete. “What is it, Eren?”
Eren let a slow breath out. Of the two of them, Levi was the one on the ropes. He didn’t know what Eren had stopped by for and he only had Eren’s fragile constitution to go by.
Eren opened his arms and Levi, with a look that said murder if tricked, hugged him back. Eren was willing to bet the last of his sanity that Levi was thinking Eren was gross for wanting to hold him while sweaty.
Eventually, Levi prodded Eren’s ribs. “Okay, what is it, brat?”
Eren swallowed. “My parents want you and me to spend Christmas with them. At their house. 24 plus hours.”
“Oh,” Levi said and with a great exhale, “ fuck .”
***
As of Christmas Day, which also happened to be Levi’s birthday, they would have been dating for one month. Not a long time, but enough time to get a feel for the relationship, and the feelings said long haul. Levi didn’t hate the idea of meeting Eren’s family. Technically, he had met Eren’s half-brother, Zeke. He’d also painted the floor of the octagon with his blood. At least with Zeke, Levi knew where he stood. Levi didn’t think he could do that with Mr. and Mrs. Jaeger. Well, he could probably take on two middle-aged adults whose main skills involved healing people and baking pies, but he didn’t think he should throw down with them to show his worth.
What would they think of him? They had raised Eren, so he doubted they would look at Levi like a criminal just because he grew up in The Underground, though the most fragile parts of his ego still worried about this. The Jaegers were probably good people and would at least pretend to care about Levi. And he would have Eren who almost overwhelmingly loved him. But Eren...he had had quite a year with all the drama in his family, and Zeke, the bastard, actually sent Eren to hospital.
Levi wanted Eren to relax over the holidays and not play the suffering architect to the building of Levi’s relationship with Eren’s parents. How could Levi get Eren to chill? He looked up at Eren as they sat on one of Levi’s recently-wiped down workout maps, talking things over. Eren had a hand in his hair and was tugging at the roots as he stared murder at Levi’s dumb bells. Right, Eren didn’t have a chill mode.
Levi took Eren’s hand from his scalp before he went bald and proposed they set some ground rules and plan how the few days would go. A sort of rope in the dark that they could cling to to navigate the twisting tunnels of familial relationships. Eren nodded. Planning made things manageable. Manageable meant Eren didn’t have an emotional crisis at the Christmas dinner table.
The plan was as follows: They would visit Levi’s mother Christmas Eve because she would be working the graveyard shift into Christmas morning. They would then go to Eren’s parents’ place and spend most of Christmas with them. Christmas evening, they had already made plans with friends to celebrate Levi’s birthday, which would give them a reason to leave Eren’s parents’ place for the night. Showing Eren Levi’s phone’s calendar for the 24th and 25th calmed Eren a bit. Really, it was only about 12 hours of empty slots over two days where they would be doing Jaeger-centric activities.
As for rules, they would not buy gifts for one another as Levi was saving up for his own place and Eren had school to pay for. Eren mentioned, eyes looking at his crossed legs, that his parents had already gotten Levi a gift, but hastily added that they wanted nothing in return and it would be more rude to decline it. Levi tch ed. Okay, no gifts but they would prepare a meal for everyone then and Levi would ask his mother for a recipe he thought she had made him long ago. Eren agreed and oddly proposed that they remain a single unit while at the Jaegers’. Levi didn’t quite get why Eren was adamant about them sticking together and when asked, Eren said he couldn’t explain it well, but that essentially his parents would be less likely to ask him personal questions if Eren was there to check them. And, finally, no ugly Christmas sweaters. Eren ran hot and Levi hated anything that wasn’t clean and organized, so sweaters would be a pain for both of them.
Eren had nodded stiffly at their Christmas schemes and reached out a hand to shake in agreement. Levi grabbed the hand offered and tugged Eren forward to grind his knuckles into his scalp before kissing him deeply. They had an agreement then.
***
After Levi prodded Eren’s behind as they went up the stairs, and kissed him goodbye at the door, and zig zagged through several boxes (why were there so many goddamn boxes?) to get to the living room window to wave a final goodbye as Eren drove off, Levi stood for a moment. He probably looked like he was considering the squirrel in the front yard as it gnawed on a pizza crust. He wasn’t. Well, he was wondering a bit whether squirrels should eat cheap Italian food, but it wasn’t the main thing he was mulling over. He had a feeling .
“Furlan? Isabel?” Levi called down the hall.
Isabel sashayed down the hallway from her bedroom, while Furlan poked his head out and called back, “What?”
“Come here for a second,” Levi said.
“Is it about the boxes?”
“No, but it’s easier than yelling down the hallway at you, dickhead.”
Furlan narrowed his eyes, but slid off the wall and walked to the couch in the living to sit with Isabel.
Levi stepped around the boxes to meet them at the couch. He pointed with his thumb over his shoulder. “Why are there so many boxes though?”
“They’re mine!” Isabel said proudly.”
Levi tried not to let dread fill his eyes. “What’s with them? You aren’t going to build a damn cardboard castle, right?”
“I wasn’t but that’s a good idea.” Isabel popped off the couch. She whipped out an exacto knife, though where it came from would remain a mystery for both men, and opened a box. She pulled out a hoodie and Levi felt his stomach fall out of him and burst like a water balloon at his feet.
“What the fuck is that?” He asked.
Furlan had his knuckles in his mouth and was quivering with suppressed laughter.
“It’s your merch,” Isabel jabbered. The hoodie had Humanity’s Strongest Fan splashed across the front of it. “There are three different designs. My favourite is this one inspired by your match with Zeke. I drew him as a gorilla, but I drew him as an albino one so no one will think it’s racist.”
Indeed, there was a caricature of Levi ground and pounding a blond King Kong. Isabel might have to worry about PETA saying something. Levi’s cheeks could fry eggs. It was well drawn, but so embarrassing.
“What do you think?” Isabel asked.
Before Levi could serve her a piping hot portion of his mind, Furlan said in a reprimanding tone, “She drew and designed each design, Levi. She mainly worked through her lunches and it took her hours .”
Isabel’s smile was already going soggy with Levi’s tepid reception. He checked himself. “They’re really well-designed. I like the way you drew Zeke’s eyes. You really captured his maniacal rage. But, why did you get so many made?” Levi looked at the dozen or so boxes crowding the window. “It’ll look like we’re moving for the next whole year.
“Not so!” Isabel said, bouncing back. She pointed at Furlan. “Furlan set up a site and we sold out within 24 hours.”
Levi turned to Furlan. “Really?”
Furlan tilted his head. “Really.”
Levi was, actually he wasn’t sure how he felt. Somewhere between traumatized and touched. “That’s...nice of you guys. You’re keeping the profits, by the way.”
“Aww, no. We couldn’t, big brother,” Isabel said.
“Yes, you are. I don’t want any part of it. Anyway,” Levi took back the reins of the hell-bound sled. “I wanted to ask you if you remembered a couple years ago when we were on lunch break and Isabel kept feeding the damn dumpster animals?”
“Levi,” Isabel laughed, “I still feed the dumpster animals.”
“Right, but this was a specific time when I was bitching you out about not keeping food in your pockets because it’s really hard for our shitty laundry machine to washout. You said you wanted to stuff your pockets so that the animals would associate your scent with food.”
Isabel thought about this. “Hm. You bitch me out a lot. I’m not sure…”
Levi offered, “Furlan ended up dumpster diving.”
Levi could see the moment the connection was made in her brain and how it sparked immediate joy. “Oh, yeah. That was hilarious .”
“No, it fucking wasn’t,” Furlan snapped. “Apart from the threat of rabies, my overalls reeked for weeks. You think peanut butter and mustard is hard on our laundry machine, try dumpster sludge.”
“You were so pissed.” Isabel snickered into her hands. “You locked me out of the house until Levi took pity on me and let me sleep in the basement with him.”
“Do you still have it?” Levi asked Furlan.
Furlan raised a brow. “Have what?”
“You know what.” When Furlan crossed his arms and didn’t budge, Levi added, “I know you found it. You just didn’t tell Isabel because you were angry.”
Isabel stopped laughing. “Wait, you have Freduardo?”
Furlan stared hard at Levi. He could see the fine wires of Furlan’s brain connecting. Much like his dumpster dive years ago, Furlan would go fishing for the truth, only this time he would enjoy his sifting and Levi would be the one squirming. “If I did still have it—”
“Freduardo,” Isabel corrected.
“If I did still have Freduardo, why would you want him?”
“As a backup.”
“A backup?” Furlan looked puzzled.
Levi hesitated. He hadn’t expected his heart to be working this much overtime. Why was he nervous? Maybe it wasn’t nervousness. Maybe, as per usual, it was just the thought of Eren. Although Furlan having him on the ropes was something new. Usually Levi was the one making him squirm. Eventually, he said, “Eren and I set some ground rules for the holiday and I’m concerned he might break one of them. I want to be prepared in case that happens.”
Isabel crawled over Furlan to get closer to Levi. Furlan said through his teeth, “ Careful . Don’t knee my balls.”
Isabel asked, “Oh, what are the rules?”
“Nothing out of the ordinary,” Levi said. “No presents, no ugly sweaters, no fucking in front of the turkey.”
Furlan said with a deadpan, “Oh boy, I wonder which one of those Eren wants to break the most.”
“Do you have it—Freduardo, asshole?” Levi asked, holding out his hand. As an afterthought, he asked them, “And do either of you care if he has it?”
“Oh, so we do get a say in what goes on in this house?” Furlan shook his head. “You’re goddamn lucky we like Eren more than you. And that I’m thrifty.”
“I’d call it more spiteful,” Isabel laughed. Before Furlan could clapback, she laid across his lap and singsonged, “Careful or I just might crush your balls.”
Levi thought Furlan might push her off the couch, but Christmas had already started its miracle work. Instead of dropping her, he blushed and turned his head away from the both of them.
Levi raised a brow. “You into cock and ball torture, Furlan?”
“Levi, Isabel,” Furlan said, closing his eyes, “get fucked.”
Levi nodded. “I’ll get right on that. Before I do though, Isabel,” Levi was already regretting asking this, but he didn’t think he could do a decent job on his own, “how would you feel about helping me with one other art project?”
***
When Eren and Levi visited Kuchel Christmas Eve, there were fewer tears than the last couple visits. The initial visit was the hardest, with everyone fighting back their emotions with tissues, hands, gritted teeth, and sheer fucking willpower. But Levi and his estranged mother built a creaky bridge that would hopefully become a well-travelled route.
Their second meeting was no less emotional, but the flavour of the emotions had been spicier. Levi had attempted to gift his mother some of his winnings from his fight with Zeke, and both Eren and Levi learned exactly where Levi had gotten his temper and stubbornness from. Even Kenny had recommended they back down from this venture. Eren had been nervous about Levi possibly feeling rejected by his mother, but he seemed more confounded that she wouldn’t do the logical thing to help her get ahead in life.
After the second meeting, Eren and Levi had laid in Eren’s bed with Eren resting his head on Levi. Eren remembered Levi’s chest had felt less like a calm ocean and more like a kiddie pool at a crowded splash park.
“You think it’s pride?” Levi had asked. “You think she won’t take my money because I’m her kid?”
Eren said ever so hesitantly, “I think you should ask her why.” He paused and then added, “But I think it’s more complicated than you being her son.”
Levi made a stress ball out of Eren’s head, raking his fingers through his hair. Eren had no complaints, but there would be times when Eren needed his head elsewhere in the world. Perhaps, after a year or so of dating, they could adopt a cat. They were independent, self-cleaning animals, and some of them would be content to let Levi stroke them when Eren’s hair wasn’t available.
“Could you take a guess as to why?” Levi asked. “I just don’t get it. She still lives in a shit part of town and wants to eventually move. She can’t make that much working as a waitress. What’s the goddamn issue?”
“Well, what would you say if she offered you money?” Eren asked.
“I wouldn’t fucking take it.” Levi’s grip tightened in Eren’s hair, but he loosened it swiftly. “Sorry, Eren.”
“It’s okay. Hot even. As a side note, I’m thinking of growing my hair out.”
Levi said, “Now that would be fucking hot.”
Before they got too frisky thinking about what Levi could do with longer hair, Eren asked, “Why wouldn’t you take her money?”
“Because she doesn’t have much of it. I have more.”
Dang. Levi was using logic, something that Eren wasn’t always on good terms with. But maybe that was actually it. “So, logically it makes sense for her to take it, but she’s not. So, it can’t be a logical reason.”
“Wow, Sherlock, how do you fit all your brains in your skull?”
“Well, one of us has to do the thinking and you didn’t seem up to the task right—”
Levi put him in one of his headlocks. Levi probably wasn’t using even half his strength, but Eren couldn’t bust free. Eren felt pity for any opponent Levi had that had felt the constrictors he passed off as his arms. Only fear of gravity being her assholic self by dropping them off the bed spared Eren from further pain. That and Levi must have decided the only thing better than making Eren suffer was kissing him.
Levi leaned over him and Eren pecked him back before gently pushing him away. “Hey.”
“Hey,” Levi said back.
“You still want my opinion?”
“Always.”
Eren traced Levi’s cheekbone with his thumb. “I think, maybe, she feels guilty. Like she doesn’t deserve anything from you because she didn’t give you much as your mother. Are you—sorry, I shouldn’t have presumed—OOF”
Levi flopped on top of Eren like a human anxiety blanket, but without the horror of actually being a blanket made from human.
“You’re right,” Levi muttered next to Eren’s ear. “Probably.”
Eren stroked Levi’s back. “Hey.”
Levi sighed. “Hey.”
Eren remembered his heart had not so much skipped a beat, but constricted for a moment before bursting forth, bubbling up his throat and running out his mouth. “I love you.”
Eren recalled those moments from a couple weeks ago as Kuchel opened the door. Seeing Levi’s mother snapped Eren’s attention back and knotted up his tongue. She looked better and brighter than before. Her hair was done up in a simple bun and she wore the lightest touch of makeup to smooth out her skin. She looked so much like Levi, especially when she bent her head and the shorter layers of her hair crept forward to frame her face.
“Kuchel, you said you remembered the recipe?” Levi asked as they entered the apartment with several bags of groceries in hand.
Eren knew Levi wasn't trying to be unkind by not calling her mom. Levi had explained that it felt odd to call her or anyone mom since the last time he had was almost two decades ago.
Kuchel was certainly Levi’s mom because she hid her hurt well and Eren might not have noticed her sadness if he hadn’t seen Levi do the same blink to clear away any emotion from his face. They both had that defence mechanism where they kept their emotions on a short leash to keep them from running into traffic. Maybe it kept their hearts from becoming roadkill, but it broke Eren’s a bit to see them deny themselves the freedom to run around like slobbering idiots.
“Yes, I wrote it down too. It looks like you got all the ingredients, if you have the time to run through it with me.”
Levi said, “Don’t you have a shift tonight? Do you really want to be on your feet cooking before serving truckers until 7:00 am?”
Kuchel smiled. No, she smirked. “I’ve stood in harder places in worse weather wearing taller shoes.”
Levi laughed his closed-mouth laugh. “Then let’s fucking do this. Eren, grab an apron.”
Eren did suit up, but he hung back for the most part. In one particular way, Eren wished he wasn’t there. For the first time, Kuchel and Levi were getting along naturally. No tears, no fighting, no greasy guilt coating their words. Eren didn’t want to get in the way or draw focus away from them being family again. Even now, Levi kept looking over at him when he should be focusing on Kuchel’s smile. Really, Eren was content to cut zucchini in his own corner of the kitchen.
Kuchel pinched his ear. “Slacking off, Eren?”
“Uh.”
She dragged him over to the stove where Levi was stirring a sauce. Levi looked up at them as Kuchel forced a spatula in Eren’s hand. She stood next to him and that’s when Eren noticed her eyes were brimming. She smiled as she showed him how to stir without splashing, a feat Eren didn’t know was possible. Levi made room for them, but stayed close enough to slip an arm across Eren’s back. Eren was finding his own eyes were starting to sting a bit too and it wasn’t the onions. Kuchel rested her hand on Eren’s shoulder. No one said a word. Eren thought he understood, but he wasn’t sure he agreed. Kuchel resting her head on him and Levi thumbing his side seemed to be saying they were grateful to him and that they wouldn’t be here without him.
Eren discreetly (gods help him for once to not make a circus out of his emotions) wiped at his eyes. C’mon, idiot. This is about them, not you. That and you’ll ruin the sauce if you snot into it. He was aware Levi was watching him, but he didn’t say anything. Levi just moved closer and ran his hand up and down Eren’s spine.
***
After feasting with Kuchel, they made their way to the Jaegers’ abode. By the time they parked the car in Eren’s parents’ driveway, it was shortly after 9:00 pm. They both sat staring at the light of the front porch, considering their mortality.
“I’ll get the suitcases and you get the door,” Levi eventually said, unclipping his seatbelt.
Eren nodded. Normally, Eren would insist on being a gentleman or, as Levi called it, an idiot by carrying as much as he could for them, but they had a plan . Levi was nervous about meeting Eren’s parents. Eren was nervous about Levi meeting his parents. Anyone would be nervous about meeting their partner’s parents for the first time, but they were especially so because Levi hadn’t had any practice in parent management before. All Levi had practice with was Kenny and when Eren asked Levi how he negotiated with Kenny, Levi said they usually insulted each other until they ran out of venom or took things to the mat and whoever tapped out first won the argument. Both strategies had worked well for Kenny until Levi learned a larger vocabulary and Kenny got older. Eren didn’t think either of those strategies ought to be employed on his parents and Levi agreed.
As he walked up the drive, Eren was reminded of his first pet fish. The man at the pet store had said not to dump the fish in the tank immediately and to set the bag in the tank for a bit to let it adjust to its new habitat. Eren thought keeping the fish in the little plastic baggie was cruel. The fish might have a brain the size of a grain of rice, but he surely could see the water beyond his plastic bubble. No, Eren’s fish wouldn’t live like cattle, locked in a cellophane prison, even for a second. Eren had dumped the fish in immediately and it had gone belly up before he’d had a chance to name it.
Eren didn’t want to see Levi go belly up, so they would go slow and acclimatize him. Eren would distract his parents, they would see Levi come in, say a quick hello and exchange names, but Levi’s hands would be full of heavy bags. His parents would have to excuse them to Eren’s room where they could let Levi adjust before dumping him into the rest of the house. Eren could make this work. He had to make this work. If he didn’t, the springs of his mind might burst out his ears.
Eren was halfway up the slippery drive and Levi was just shutting the trunk when the front door opened and light spilled over them. Eren’s parents came out, wrapped in sweaters and slippers.
“Welcome home.” His mother wrapped her arms around him briefly before continuing on towards Levi. Oh shit .
“Eren, why are you making Levi carry everything?” His father chided, taking a bag from Levi’s hand and then shaking Levi’s hand. Levi stood there, just letting Grisha tug on his arm. “I thought we raised you better than that.”
“Dad, he just happened to—” Eren started back down the drive, almost eating shit on the ice. Grisha pushed the duffel bag into Eren’s hands and took the other bag from Levi, who was still just standing there. Carla put her arm around Levi. Even in the half-light, Eren could see his shoulders were taut. She herded him towards the door.
“I’m sorry about Eren’s manners. We may have spoiled him a bit growing up.” She smiled.
“Ignorance is never an excuse,” Grisha said. “Just because Levi is the first person you’ve brought home doesn’t give you a free pass.”
Levi raised a brow and Eren blushed as he read what Levi was thinking: So, Eren gets his bleeding heart from his father . He wasn’t wrong.
“Grisha, lay off him,” Carla snapped back. “It’s fucking Christmas.”
Levi wore the smallest of smirks. And his temperament from his mother . Eren blushed deeper.
***
Once inside, Eren tried an overt tactical manoeuvre by excusing himself and Levi to put their bags away in his room, but Carla had already launched a counter attack.
“Grisha, give me that. Eren and I will go turn down the sheets for them,” she said, taking the bag from Grisha and dragging Eren by the hood of his jacket up the stairs. Eren outstretched a desperate hand, reaching for Levi as he swallowed into the house. Levi stared back at him, not a ripple of emotion on his face. He thought he heard Eren’s mom mention something about dusting, but it was hard to hear over the tidal waves of blood being pushed through his ears by his rabbit heart. Okay, he was nervous for himself and not just for Eren’s shaken pop-can heart. He hoped Carla could get Eren to relax, but he was getting the impression that none of the Jaegers understood words like tranquil or sane.
“Levi, this way, son,” Grisha said, leading him further into the house.
Levi took one last look up the stairs. Divide and conquer. A classic technique. They never even stood a chance.
Levi followed Grisha into the living room. He thought at first that they had walked into a Hallmark Christmas movie set. A red-brick fireplace crackled away, an evergreen tree was decorated with a symmetry that Levi could appreciate, and a bar cart laden with cookies and candy canes was between two chairs in front of the hearth.
Grisha pressed a glass of nog into his hand. Levi gave it a sniff. There was a Kenny-dose of rum in it. Getting lit with Mr. Jaeger hadn’t been part of the plan, but it was now.
Grisha gasped. “Sorry, I should have asked whether you drink, and not just assumed. I didn’t hang your jacket up either. No wonder Eren’s so thoughtless.”
“I drink,” Levi said, “and I’m still fairly cool, so I’d prefer to keep my coat on anyway.”
He had heard that parents, fathers in particular, would often size up their children’s partners. Perhaps, if the partner in question was a bit of a punk, even assert dominance. Grisha looked a bit like Zeke, but had none of his muscle mass or maniacal charm. If he had to, Levi could totally take him. Levi drank deep to derail his train of thought. His first instinct should not be to choke out his boyfriend’s father. Levi knew words. He could use words.
Grisha pointed him towards the chair closest to the fire and then sat in the chair next to him with his own glass. Levi kept drinking because he didn’t know what to say. He would let Grisha take the lead. If Grisha wanted to grill him to ensure his intentions were pure or chastise him for any trouble Levi had caused his son, then Levi would suck it up quicker than his very rummy drink. He owed Eren that much plus interest.
“Eren’s told us some things about you,” Grisha said, “but he hasn’t been as open lately.”
“What do you want to know?” It wasn’t just the nog that made his words sound thick. What had Eren told his parents about him? That Levi swore like a trucker in heavy traffic? That he had once made Eren cry because he was emotionally immature and prone to fits of rage? That McDeiter’s ice cream machines were more functional than his broken family? Levi couldn’t think of anything other than the pounding he had given Zeke in his last fight that he could be proud of, and he doubted Grisha would be thrilled about that.
Grisha shrugged. “Nothing in particular. We just want to know you, Levi. You’re important to Eren and, by proxy, important to us.”
Isabel and Furlan were always telling him to market himself better, but he couldn’t ask them to design a sweater that would make him more likeable to parents. His hardcore fans liked him because of his skill, but his antisocial attitude and height often turned casual observers off. He tried to think of his best accomplishments and speak to those, without mentioning that he had once bloodied one of Grisha’s children’s faces. “I got my black belt in jiu-jitsu in my late teens from my uncle’s dojo. He raised me, actually. And next year I'll have my second black belt in karate from Erwin’s dojo. That's the one Eren and I met at.”
Grisha nodded. “Eren did mention your martial art skill. And I saw it myself. I watched some of your matches. I think if you went for the title, you’d get it. But as a doctor, I fear for your joints and brain.”
“I don’t plan on fighting for the long term.” Levi hoped he hadn’t seen his bout with Zeke. He stared into the fire. He actually hadn’t ever sat in front of a real fireplace before. It was mesmerizing and warming him even more than the alcohol. Had Eren spent Christmas Eves like this? The thought of him laughing in front of the fire with his father relaxed Levi. He hoped he would get to see that version of Eren this holiday season.
“It’s one of the fewer sports where being a bit older and more experienced can actually be a boon, eh?” Grisha said, also watching the flames. “Not like, say figure skating, where you’re old by your mid-twenties. Did Eren ever mention he took figure skating?”
Levi laughed into his drink. “Yeah, but he didn’t do it for long because he almost sliced his own fingers off.”
Levi remembered running a finger over one of Eren’s many faded scars as he pressed Eren’s hand into the bed, his back arching as Levi ran his teeth over his nipple. Levi took another drink. Now was not the time to think about fucking Grisha’s son.
“Nine stitches,” Grisha hummed. “I was too shaken to patch him up. It wouldn’t have taken me long and we could have spared him the drive to the hospital. Eren’s always been boisterous. I thought he would scream at me, ask why I couldn’t just fix him then and there, but he didn’t. Well, he did scream at me for taking him out of the lesson. He was bleeding all over the ice and making the other kids cry. The instructor actually threw up.”
Levi shrugged. He’d been training so much that he hadn’t allowed himself alcohol for about two months now. It was unwinding his tension and lowering his guard. “Eren’s pretty simple. He probably just saw you as his father and not a doctor.”
Grisha bowed his head. The light from the fire reflected off his glasses. Maybe Levi shouldn’t have called Eren simple. Even if Eren had told Grisha that Levi could be a mirthless bastard, it was shitty form to talk about Eren like that without him being here to tease Levi back about his height.
“Does he still think like that?” Grisha asked quietly.
“Simple was a poor choice of words. I meant he’s very black and white. On and off, y’know.”
“I meant…sorry, I shouldn’t corner you like this, but I can’t bring myself to actually ask him.” Grisha turned and his eyes looked watery. Levi froze with a mouthful of rummy nog burning his tongue. “Do you know if Eren hates me still?”
And Levi was instantly sober again.
“Zeke showing up—no, me hiding my knowledge of Zeke really fractured our family. Carla has only just agreed to give us another go and it’s more than I deserve. I knew about Zeke for six years and didn’t say anything. I knew he was violent. I knew he had run-ins with the law.”
Yeah, Levi knew about that too since he had been laying on the convenience store floor when Zeke and his friends pulled a gun on the cashier. Levi didn’t know if Grisha knew that though and, even though Levi would rather get punched in the head than make nice with Zeke, he wasn’t about to rat the guy out. His two main interactions with Zeke probably weren’t indicative of his whole personality. Gods, Levi hoped he had more going for him than rage and violence.
Grisha rubbed at his eyes and sighed. “I shouldn’t hope for more, but I am. Even after Zeke hurt Eren, I still want Eren to forgive me.”
Grisha probably couldn’t see how his words, falling so clumsily from his mouth, had shot right into Levi’s core. Fuck, if Levi didn’t think the same damn thing. Almost three months ago, Levi and Eren had a fight that resulted in Furlan chasing Eren down while wearing Isabel’s crocs. Levi had been the aggressor and let his emotions, particularly the ragey ones, and his insecurities cattle prod Eren from his life. If Eren hadn’t reached out first Levi probably would never have said another word to him out of embarrassment and not knowing how to reconcile without grappling or punching.
Levi hadn’t thought and couldn’t have brought himself to hope that he and Eren would even be on friendly terms again. But a couple weeks after talking, Levi found himself calling Eren. He had felt like he’d just had a training session with Kenny. His heart pounded, his mouth was parched, and his legs kept shaking as Isabel watched him pace their living room. At first he expected Eren to not pick up and not because he hated Levi. Who the hell used their phone to take calls these days? When he did pick up, Levi didn’t have an ounce of spit to help him get the words out. Speaking to Eren, telling him how he felt, asking him out, it all felt like a choke in one of the most important fights of his life, and not one done by an expert where he would be asleep in seconds. One where reality got smudged due to the lack of blood, but the world wouldn’t fade to peaceful black. Levi would have hung up if Isabel wasn’t there, pulling on her pigtails as she watched him pace. Levi didn’t ask people out. He asked them to bed because sex was a good way to relax and feel in control. But he somewhat lied to himself that he wouldn’t have the time for Eren. To a certain extent he didn’t have the time, but he also feared what sharing his life would mean.
Levi almost didn’t hear Eren enthusiastically respond over the buzzsaw hum of his own anxieties. Even if he had heard him properly, Eren was so zealous his words came out in a puddle. Isabel seemed to know Eren agreed before Levi said anything as she quietly clapped. He wished he had asked what on his face gave it away. He didn’t like broadcasting intent, be he in a fight or conversation with a friend. Whatever tell she had seen, he would have liked to learn to hide it better. But he must have hid his anger well enough from both Isabel and Eren. He was happy, elated even that Eren wanted to date him too, but he was angry that Eren said yes so easily, so soon after they had fought. Levi remembered how pissed he had been with Kenny for leaving a pair of dirty underwear hanging on the knob of Levi’s bedroom door. He swept Kenny’s leg every chance he got for the next three months. How could Eren forgive him so easily?
Grisha removed his glasses and thumbed his eyes.
“Both of them,” Grisha said while looking at the ceiling where Eren and Carla were likely preparing Eren’s room, “would be angry if they knew I had you pinned like this. I’m sorry. It’s just like a tumour ballooning in my mind.”
“You should really talk to Eren about this,” Levi said as gently as he could. “But for the unofficial record, I don’t think he ever hated you. He reserves his wrath for social inequities, not minute human fuck ups.”
Levi froze. He probably shouldn’t have said fuck.
Grisha chuckled. “I think my transgression is more than a minor fuck up.”
Fucking eh, Grisha could handle some spice. Levi shrugged. He paused to think whether he would regret speaking, but since Grisha was flapping his dirty laundry in the wind, Levi could probably get away with it too. “My mother was a prostitute. She tried not to bring johns home if she could help it, but if it was a choice between exposing me to the grit of the world and not being able to feed us tomorrow, she would do it. One of them tried to assault me and when the cops showed up, they judged her a bad mother. She wasn’t really. She was born into a shit life with shitty choices and got shit in return for trying to be less shitty. I know her situation and yours are different, but the way I see it is parents are people and people are fallible. Just because you fail your family once doesn’t mean you fail as a father forever.”
Levi felt like a shit for thinking it, but it felt good when the naked dumping of his life story made Grisha’s jaw drop. For the first time since getting out of the car, he felt like he had a grip on the nape of the situation and wasn’t being mopped around the floor.
“Eren did mention that your relationship with your family was strained, but I didn’t know the details. I don’t know what to say to what you’ve shared with me about your life, but I appreciate your perspective.” Grisha looked at his empty glass. “You’re level-headed, Levi. If there’s one thing bringing me peace of mind, it’s knowing you are and have been in my son’s corner through all of this.”
Levi swore he could actually feel his intestines eating themselves. Yeah, that wasn’t accurate, but there was only so much share and tell Levi could handle for one night. Levi decided now was the perfect time to finish his drink.
There was an ungodly thudding as Eren booked it down the stairs and flew into the living room.
“Sorry for being away for so long,” Eren said, his sides heaving. “What’s going on?”
Grisha spoke. “We were chatting over a drink. Did you want to join us for one more before bed?”
Eren looked to Levi. Levi knew Eren wasn't trying to snub his father by not answering him straightaway, but he was conscious of how Grisha’s fingers were going white around the knuckles as he grasped his glass. Levi shrugged and Eren took a seat on the couch off to the side. Levi moved to join Eren while Grisha walked off to the kitchen to get more egg nog.
“You okay?” Eren whispered in Levi’s ear.
“What about you? You look like you’ve seen the Ghost of Christmas Future.”
Eren looked agitated and restless. He wouldn’t lean back into the couch and kept playing with a candy cane until he accidentally snapped it.
Eren shook his head. “Fine, just mom wanted me to dust my room because she forgot, even though I told her you like things neat. And then we only had one duster, but it broke, so we had to use Lysol wipes and now the room smells like fresh forest. I think it just smells like pine and chemicals.”
Eren put his head in his hands. “And my dad. He wasn’t weird, was he?”
Levi rubbed Eren’s back. “No weirder than you.”
“Oh fuck.” Eren sat up, looking bewildered. “He was that bad?”
Levi wanted to say no because he wasn’t sure anyone he knew was more tightly wound than Eren right now, but his last joke had Eren grinding the candy cane to dust. Levi took Eren’s hand and gave it a couple squeezes.
“Your dad is fine, Eren. He’s certainly no Kenny, thank Maria, Rose, and Sina for that.”
Eren nodded and looked ever so slightly relieved. Levi hesitated. He didn’t want to add to Eren’s pile of shit, but he didn’t want him blindsided by Grisha’s bag of guilt. “Your dad does want to talk to you though.”
That news went down about as well as a fat man down a chimney. Eren sat upright. “What? About what?”
“About the shit with Zeke.”
“Oh.”
Levi could hear Grisha making his way back to the living room, whistling Frosty the Snowman . They hadn’t been at the Jaegers’ for an hour yet and Eren looked like he was returning from a year long war.
There wasn’t much time for a pep talk or grand display of support. Even if there was, Levi wasn’t sure what to say. Don’t worry, babe, if this thing goes south, I’ll take him out? At least if he did, he doubted he would ever be invited back for the holidays.
Grisha passed out the drinks and just as he settled into his chair, Eren said, “You want to talk about Zeke?”
If Grisha was surprised, he didn’t show it. Both father and son stared at the carpet.
“It’s not so much about Zeke as it is about you and me,” Grisha said.
“What about us?” Eren asked. Grisha looked briefly at Levi and everyone seemed to understand that Grisha was asking if he should be here. Levi felt Eren stiffen as he said angrily, “Don’t look at Levi like he’s not wanted here.”
“No, of course not,” Grisha said.
“Eren.” Levi put a hand on Eren’s shoulder.
Eren said quickly, “Of course, if you’re uncomfortable at all, Levi, you don’t have to stay. Shit. I shouldn’t have started this up before seeing you off to bed.”
Before Eren could explode and decorate the Christmas tree with pieces of his body, Levi said, “Just say what you need to. I’m here if you need me. If you need me gone, then I’ll fuck off elsewhere and wait for you.”
Eren nodded first at Levi, then at Grisha.
Grisha took in a deep breath through his nose. “We haven’t talked properly about what happened and I haven’t apologized properly either. I don’t think any words can ever excuse the fact that I lied to you and your mother for so long. I just kept thinking ‘he’ll never come here. I’ll never have to explain myself. He’s not my problem’ but...your mother and then you.”
Grisha was getting teary eyed again and had to cough to clear the emotion globbing his throat. “I am sorry, Eren. Sorry that I didn’t tell you and your mother as soon as I knew. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you when you tried to express you were hurting and wanted a resolution with Zeke. And I’m sorry that my actions or lack thereof led to you getting hurt. I am sorry, son.”
Levi could feel his brows pushing up. So that’s what a fully-realized Jaeger apology sounded like. This family, it just bled sincerity and sentiment. Eren had absorbed all this with his head down and body hunched forward. Levi didn’t touch him, but sat around him. He didn’t know what Eren needed or if he could even provide any comfort.
Ultimately, Eren shook his head. “It’s okay, dad.”
Grisha blinked. “You know you don’t have to respond positively. You don’t even have to respond right away.”
Eren shook his head again. “Literally everyone told me not to go near Zeke and you couldn’t have known what he would do. And you weren’t really his father, just his sperm donor. He wasn’t your problem, but I guess it’s good that you are seeing him now. He’ll get help and won’t be a menace to society.”
Grisha stared at his son. “Eren, it’s perfectly normal for you to have feelings of pain or anger—”
“I don’t.” Levi believed Eren when he said it, but not because he truly seemed okay with their word tennis. Eren seemed muted. Levi was used to Eren’s emotions being surround sound cranked to the max, but right now it was like listening through headphones five feet away. Something didn’t seem right, but neither Levi nor Grisha, the senior emotional guru, could figure out what, and Eren didn’t seem interested or maybe aware enough to tell.
“I’m really not angry,” Eren said, continuing his staring contest with the carpet. “Mom said Zeke is coming over tomorrow and that you and her will be spending some time with him.”
Levi tensed. What sociopath thought that was a good idea?
Grisha nodded. “Your mother wanted a chance to, ah, speak her mind to him. I’m not certain it’s the best idea, but both their counsellors okayed the meeting.”
“Can I meet him too?” Eren asked.
Grisha bowed his head. “That is entirely up to you.”
“I want to.”
Levi wasn’t surprised by this. He doubted the quick exchange Zeke and Eren had had outside this silent disco was enough to resolve their feelings.
Levi asked, “Will my being here upset Zeke?”
Eren was quick to say with a bit more of his usual spunk, “I can take you home before that so that there’s no chance of him hurting you.”
Levi bristled a smidge. “That’s not what I’m worried about. I’m worried about him taking shit out on you. I can handle the bastard.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to.” Levi wouldn’t miss this time. “The only thing that would keep me away is if you didn’t want me there.”
Eren chuckled. “Not even the gods?”
Levi smiled. “The gods are bitches and Santa isn’t real. Sorry if you’re religious, Grisha.”
Grisha shook his head. “I’m more offended by your baseless remark about Santa Claus.”
“It’s not baseless,” Levi said, “Kenny tried once to convince me Santa was real. He borrowed this suit that I don’t think was even a Santa costume, just a huge red jumpsuit. He pretended to come down the chimney and surprise me. I thought he was a burglar and grabbed a broom...I jingled his bells pretty good.”
Eren got a laugh out of that, which Levi was happy to see. Grisha looked concerned though. “Did your, uh, Kenny seek medical attention after this happened?”
“Nah, but he’s fine. The lady he had over the next night had no complaints.” Levi worried briefly about telling dirty stories, but they seemed the only thing that could make Eren perk up. Grisha let out a chuckle and drank deep from his glass.
***
Eren kept his eyes on Levi like he was the doomsday clock seconds from midnight. His smile seemed genuine when talking with Grisha and his arm behind Eren’s head relaxed. The bags under his eyes were looking heavy though and the drink wasn’t helping keep him awake.
Eren prodded Levi discreetly as Grisha tended the fire and nodded to the stairs. Levi held his gaze for a moment before shrugging. Eren excused them and said he would be back down to help clean up. Grisha waved them onward, muttering something about so long as Levi was asleep, then Santa’s bells would be safe while working on the cleanup.
Eren walked Levi up to his bedroom.
“You coming to bed soon?” Levi asked as he turned down the bed in the dark.
Eren nodded. “Yeah, I’m just going to check on my dad.”
Both of them were swaying a bit, but Levi walked back over to him. “If I’m asleep when you get back, wake me.”
Eren shook his head. “No, you should sleep.”
Levi pulled him in for a sloppier than either of them intended kiss. “I don’t care. Consider it an early Christmas present.”
Eren pecked him back. “Okay.”
Eren watched Levi strip to his boxers and face plant into bed. Seeing the muscles in his back go slack and his breathing slow made Eren feel at ease for a moment. He wanted to flop down next to him, have Levi wrap an arm around his neck and call him a brat. But that would be too easy. Eren went back downstairs. There were a couple things Eren hadn’t said because he didn’t want Levi to feel awkward or worried, although it seemed he was already suspicious of something.
Going down the stairs, Eren was reminded of a memory, a very faint one that was only remembered because he’d felt such strong emotions at the time. Well, he always felt strong emotions, but this was one of the first times.
He was young then, young enough that having a nightlight was a must for security. He’d heard his parents argue before, but hearing their angry whispers through his bedroom door when the hour was late and the light gone unnerved him. He crept out of his bedroom and hovered around the top of the stairs, peering down at them. He couldn’t remember what they were arguing about and it didn’t matter even then. Eren knew now that not all fights are equal, but at the time, he felt fear make his hands go numb and sting his eyes. His little body shook. He’d seen movies with divorced parents and knew of a boy in his class whose parents were no longer together. Was that what was happening here? Was Eren losing his family? Would his normal become his past?
If the uncertainty he felt as a child was like lightning, then what he felt now was static in comparison. He wasn’t sure he cared to know the answer, but felt he ought to.
Instead of sitting on the couch, Eren sat in the chair beside his father. They sat for sometime in a silence that was a little awkward, but not cold.
Finally, Grisha said, “I like Levi.”
“Yeah, I do too.” Eren stared at the fire. He was tired. “Love him, actually.”
“Good. Nothing would make me happier.”
“Mom’s gone to bed.” Eren tried not to sound anything but neutral. “I noticed she’s sleeping in the guest bedroom.”
Grisha nodded. “She has been since she moved back in a week ago.”
Eren fidgeted with the seam of the chair. “She...she didn’t move back in just because I was coming home for Christmas, right?”
Grisha shook his head. “No, I asked her the same thing. She said, and I have permission to tell you this, she’s still upset, but she knows she still loves me.”
“That’s…probably okay.” Eren actually wasn’t sure on that. Maybe it was just late. Maybe egg nog was just anxiety fuel. After all, what even is a nog and how does it come from eggs?
“Eren.” Grisha turned his body towards him. “Are you alright, son?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
Grisha watched him, his face looking grave in the light of the fire. “It must be difficult to come home to a household so changed.”
Eren looked at his feet and shrugged. “It’s okay.”
“It’s okay if it’s not too,” Grisha said softly.
Eren’s eyesight was starting to go blurry and his nose stuff up.
Grisha got up and returned with a tissue box. Eren took one with a promise to himself that it would be the only one he would need. For fuck’s sake, it’s Christmas Eve, not a funeral. Grisha patted Eren’s shoulder and kept his hand there until Eren patted his hand back. Eren inched forward on his seat with the intention to stand, but Grisha spoke.
“I was worried that you were talking to me less because you didn’t want to be close anymore,” Grisha said as he sat back down.
Eren furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?”
“Of all the boyfriends you’ve had, you seem to love Levi the most, but talk about him the least.” Grisha chuckled. “I think I got more information on him from his Twitter bio than you.”
Eren scratched his head. “There are just some things about him that aren’t mine to share.”
“Like his mother working as a prostitute?”
Eren blinked. “Did Isabel really include that in his bio?”
“No, Levi told me while you were upstairs with your mother.”
Eren felt his heart lurch in the best of ways. “He opened up to you?”
“I know, right? He’s a hard study. Probably because he had a hard life.” Grisha smiled. “You should be proud of him for that.”
Okay, two tissues max. “I am. So very. He talked—Gods, I love him.”
Eren balled his tissues up and his smile bled through a bit more genuinely. “I love you too, dad.”
“I love you too, son.”
As Eren walked back up stairs, he felt less trepidation and something more like hope. Even if his parents didn’t get back together, they would still be family. And Levi seemed to want to be a part of it. Levi’s family was difficult too, but it was mainly circumstance that hacked at them and scraped them off the sidewalk. With his own family, it felt like secrets and lies, which were really just shame, guilt, and poor decisions stacked under a trench coat. And Eren had allowed them entry into his heart.
Levi was asleep. Eren knew he had asked him to wake him, but Eren was fine, really. He didn’t need to worry.
“That you?” Levi muttered into his pillow as Eren slipped beneath the covers.
“Yeah, I’m just getting into bed. Go back to sleep.”
Levi lifted his head and Eren turned his face away. He felt like Levi could recite The Night Before Christmas at him and he would burst into tears. He was happy. I am happy . Eren sighed. I must just be tired .
“Are you—?”
Eren said quickly but gently, “I’m just tired.”
Eren could practically feel Levi’s eyes burning through him like Rudolph’s nose cutting through the fog and social stigma of being slightly different. But Levi didn’t press him. Instead Levi wrapped his arms around Eren and kissed the back of his neck. “Love you.”
Eren took in a deep breath. “I love you too.”